Future Trip

Today’s Daily Create is actually something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently. I’m two and a half terms away from graduating with my Bachelors, and I’m starting to grow concerned about what happens next.

No lie, I was talking to my mother about this just the other day. She told me to stop “future tripping” and set goals for myself instead. I’m pretty sure she meant “instead of deciding what you’ll do next, think about who you want to be” or something like that. (It seems mom-ish, right?) Sometimes, though, it’s hard to tell, so I might be wrong.

So, please understand, this was actually incredibly difficult for me. What do I aspire to be? How do I aspire to be? What the heck do I want to do with my life?

Mom says no one has the answers at twenty-two. My cousins did, for awhile — but they’ve all changed their minds. I’m starting to believe her, now. I didn’t when they were all so sure that they knew what their futures held, when we were eighteen and I was the only one without a plan. Moms are like that, though — always right when you least expect it.

Here I am, twenty-two years old. I don’t know who I aspire to be — at least I can’t think of a way to put it into images. I aspire to be intelligent, a good person — and most importantly, capable. But what does that translate to? What do I associate with these things? Do other people make the same associations? Will I get my point across?

I guess it’s pretty hard to miss by now, but I’m adopted. Still, I love my parents, and I do try to be part of my extended family, for what good it does me. I found out when I was sixteen, when my cousin joined the Navy (somehow I missed it when his brother joined the Army), that we were a bit of a military family.

I had know, of course, that Dad was in the Army when he was younger, and I knew my cousin was in the Army as well, with his brother joining the Navy. I then found out that Dad’s dad was also in the Navy, my uncle in the Army, and extended family who I don’t know well had been in either one or the other.

None of them were girls, to the best of my knowledge, but hell. It feels a bit like tradition.

When I was sixteen, I wanted to join the Army like my dad. When I was eighteen, I wanted to join the Air Force. When I was seventeen, my mother told me I was going to go to college in Missouri, and like I have since I was fourteen, I did what I was told.

When I was twelve, I looked myself in the mirror and decided I wanted to be a psychiatrist.

At twenty, I began to consider going to law school.

I’m afraid that if I join the military, I’ll break my mother’s heart, and my family has enough to deal with right now. Maybe things will change before December, when I do have to officially make my choice, but maybe not. My dad’s family would approve, I think — but I don’t owe them anything, and I’ve long since given up caring about their opinions of me. With one exception: the cousin who joined the Navy. I hope he’d be proud of me, but due to the reduction in forces, his contract isn’t being resigned, so who knows. He might hate me for it.

I have family on my mom’s side who are lawyers, and they’d be thrilled if I went down that road, I’m sure. I think it would be fun. I’m tempted to take the LSATs, even if I don’t apply for law school.

As for psychiatry… I’m not sure I want to go through medical school. I’m awful at Chemistry, and, well… Yes.

For now, I’m going to graduate, go home, and see my family. I’m going to get a part-time job and study for whatever test I’m taking (LSATs for law school, GRE for medical school, or the AFOQT for the Air Force). I’ll likely take the AFOQT and go from there. I’m sure Mom’ll forgive me someday, if I make it. I might not. And that would be okay too, I think, though right now I’m rather set on it.

But back to the Daily Create. I’ve been considering as I’ve been writing this post, and I think only one thing will fit the bill.

There may be many things that I want to do, or that I want to be. But at the end, there’s really only one thing I hope for, above all else.

Happiness is a Good Book

I want to be happy. And for me, right now at least, happiness is a good book.



Every Moment Counts

In one moment, everything can change. Someone is born, someone dies. Someone gets hurt, or upset, or overjoyed. A family can be destroyed.

A family can begin.

Today’s Daily Create was to create a photo that represents the happiest or most memorable moment of my life. I chose to reinterpret that. Instead of doing the most memorable, I’m doing the moment that literally changed my life.

Allow me to explain, before I post the picture.

My name has not always been Alison. Indeed, when I was little, my name was Alice. But I wasn’t wanted. Or perhaps I couldn’t be wanted. I don’t know. I’ve never met the woman. I don’t ever need to, either, unlike other people in my position.

When I was a little over a year old, I met these two adults who would change my life. I didn’t know it then, of course, and I certainly don’t remember it — I was too young. But that moment is the most important one to me — closely followed by the one where they decided to keep me. If it weren’t for these moments, I would in the most literal sense not be who I am today. I’d be Alice, with a different personality, living in a different country. Let’s face it — if I didn’t have my parents, I wouldn’t have been able to do a lot of what I’ve done. I owe them everything, though I know they’d say I owe them nothing.

After all, what is family for?


This is Alice, the day she met her parents.

(Of course, I played with the picture — it isn’t actually black and white with a postage stamp border. In case you were wondering. Also, I’m not apologizing for the picture quality this time — I like it just the way it is.)

Have a wonderful day.


Stars and Garters

Alright, I give. This title has nothing to do with anything. Also, it has nothing to do with Star Trek (except by the very, very tenuous of ties). We’ve wandered into X-Men territory over here. Can anyone tell me who says that? Hint: that’s not the full sentence. It’s also not said by Patrick Stewart, so sorry, but that’s not the easy answer here.

Anyway, let’s talk about the Daily Create.

The Daily Create is an interesting site. I’m not actually sure how I feel about it. I mean, it’s kinda cool, in the whole Ooh, let’s see what we can all come up with! kind of way, but honestly — I’m so bad at this stuff. It’s amusing and terrible all at once, I assure.

Yesterday’s Creation was a ten second, voice only, wordless recording. I had a song stuck in my head, so I hummed a partial tune. It was an interesting assignment, but alas — I learned (or rather, it was reinforced) that I’m not terribly creative in that sense. No matter, I told myself — there shall be another one tomorrow! And with any luck, it will go better.

Then I realized I was talking to myself and quickly ceased. At least I didn’t respond, right? There may be hope for me yet.

Today’s Daily Create, however,  involved a camera. It asked the users to take a picture of something that is never seen upside down. This, of course, was a huge problem. I don’t own a camera that works. Oh, I own a camera — who doesn’t, these days? — but the charger got jacked, and I can’t find another in this country. There are some I can buy online, but they don’t ship overseas. It’s terribly frustrating, let me assure you. Terribly frustrating.

So I had to take my picture with the phone I got from Softbank — and, no, I don’t have an iPhone or anything, just the cheapest phone there was. So the quality is terrible. Still, I should probably show you. My sincerest apologies.


My awful, awful picture of my hanging clothing can be found here.

And so.

I kind of want to expand a bit, but I don’t have much more to say. I’m plotting a few blog posts — three, currently, but I shan’t ruin it for you — that should all be up by Friday night. We’ll also see if I end up doing any more Daily Create blogs.

It’s kind of cool, but I sort of hope there aren’t anymore photography ones — I don’t want to subject you all to anymore totally horrifying images.

Have a great day!